September 4, 2008

Scary Moment This Morning

So I'm getting into my car this morning on my way to work, and I realize that there is a spider web on my car. No biggie. As I get closer, I see that the web goes from the back door all the way to my rear view mirror. Wow. Kind of impressive. (tried to get a pic but the sun was working against me). I open my door....and I see movement. On the rear view mirror is a spider the size of Texas! Of course I involuntarily scream and slam the door. I remember repeating the phrase "holy shit" a few times as well. I mean this thing is a monster. It's ginormous when it's all scrunched up, but when it moves and stretches out, (again) holy shit! I have to remain calm....but I have to get a pic because no one is going to believe me. I very carefully take a pic with my phone (you can see my reflection with my look of terror). Then I got get the broom. This is not good. I feel the need for reinforcements but of course I am all alone and my knight in shining armor (Ben) is thousands of miles away. First I sweep the web away. This only infuriates the beast. Oh turned's LOOKING at me.'s got red something on it's face; I don't know if it's fangs or eyes or blood from its latest victim or what but it now sees me and is not happy. I swat the broom at it again. I have sandals on so there's no way I'm going to attempt to step on it. This time he flies off the mirror but is still attached to the spider web so I have to wait like 5 seconds for him to gently float to the driveway. Then I smash him with the broom! once....twice....three times. He's curled up, but I think he's only feigning death. Fine....feign all you want, I'm just gonna sweep you into the lawn and if a bird happens to swoop down and eat you up I'm not going to lose sleep over it. So I sweep, but then....where did he go? Seriously...where the hell is he? I NEED to see spider carcass somewhere to set my mind at ease. Oh God...did he fly up on me or in my hair? Oh noooo.....heebie jeebies! I have no idea where he went. He may still be in the broom......which I guess I will have to burn now. And for the rest of the day I will have the heebie jeebies thinking I feel it walking on me awaiting it's revenge. I know you'll probably look at the picture and think, oh that's not so big. But look at it in relation to my rear view mirror! When he's all stretched out walking he's like a quarter of the size of the mirror. oh so creepy! I think I was very brave considering I HATE spiders. Oh and then I get to work as as I'm walking to my desk, some weirdo bug starts trotting across the carpet too. I suppose he had some email to I stomp him to death as well. He was a piece of cake compared to spidey. Not a good day for insects (OK, or technically arachnids)....What next?....Come on....Bring It On!!!